I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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