The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
