do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
