There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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