the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
