Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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