Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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