I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
