i already hear my dad disowning me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
