hotel room ftw
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
