So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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