And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize