I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
