Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
