I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
