i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize