She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
