Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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