Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
