my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize