I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
