Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
