I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize