problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
