the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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