R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
