Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
