Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
