no you cant smoke seaweed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
