he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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