chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
