i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
