It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im holly from the hills drunk
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
