Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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