this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
