He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Semen is not good for contacts.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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