Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
