Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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