i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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