I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
