A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
