Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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