I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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