you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
