my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
