The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
