I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
