im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
