i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
