we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
