never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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