The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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