Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
