I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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