Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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