People in love make me want to vomit
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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