Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
