"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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