Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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