JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
