It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
