We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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