Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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