The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
