I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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