oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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