Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
