it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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