Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
