he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
