Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
