At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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