Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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