FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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