I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize