You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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