you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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