I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
