remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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