hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
