I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
