why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
