Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
