How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
