Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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