Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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