I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
